Whod you bang
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
