If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
