i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
