My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
