We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
