Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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