she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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