Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
