you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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