Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
