I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
