I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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