I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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