I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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