Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
