Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
