Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
