I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
