if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
