I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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