last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
