I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
