Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I want is dick and wine.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
