It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Houston, we have a blender
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
