the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You are the jesus of drinking
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
