my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Houston, we have a blender
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
