I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
