I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
