I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
