is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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