WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
