mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
