I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
