I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize