By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
