she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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