if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
