3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
