Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
