i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
