You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
