so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
