i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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