Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
