Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
