I take back everything I said about communal showers
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
