i may or may not be watching the land before time
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
