He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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