So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
