i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
