Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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