I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
