I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
