i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
