It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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