I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
