Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
