The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
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hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
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Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis