yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad