Texts From Last Night

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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.

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  (204): Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding. http://tfl.nu/e8lb
  Replies (19) Good night (1159) Bad night (6000)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.

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  (516): Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects. http://tfl.nu/hkn5
  Replies (48) Good night (822) Bad night (5408)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."

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  (508): They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever." http://tfl.nu/4fcm
  Replies (49) Good night (18053) Bad night (1980)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.

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  (443): Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one. http://tfl.nu/dq1o
  Replies (131) Good night (8022) Bad night (2302)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house

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  (973): Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house http://tfl.nu/x9ej
  Replies (11) Good night (3554) Bad night (1219)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me

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  (551): Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me http://tfl.nu/723s
  Replies (9) Good night (991) Bad night (1805)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean

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  (715): He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean http://tfl.nu/eek7
  Replies (12) Good night (2062) Bad night (923)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  Was who let the dogs out playing?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Ya. You started barking when it ended

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  (708): You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving. (1-708): Was who let the dogs out playing? (708): Ya. You started barking when it ended http://tfl.nu/fyl8
  Replies (4) Good night (2038) Bad night (581)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or

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  (303): ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or http://tfl.nu/vwgc
  Replies (21) Good night (1858) Bad night (976)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.

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  (801): He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me. http://tfl.nu/il2t
  Replies (8) Good night (2400) Bad night (717)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into

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  (313): Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into http://tfl.nu/0v44
  Replies (1) Good night (409) Bad night (925)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.

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  (501): You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns. http://tfl.nu/4e6u
  Replies (1) Good night (587) Bad night (346)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.

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  (763): I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus. http://tfl.nu/3187
  Replies (0) Good night (378) Bad night (473)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"

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  (608): You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?" http://tfl.nu/g9qb
  Replies (0) Good night (675) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  "Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."

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  (901): "Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween." http://tfl.nu/341u
  Replies (1) Good night (365) Bad night (462)

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