My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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