I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
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I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.