Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.

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(804): No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat. http://tfl.nu/b9yx

Replies (5) Good night (1181) Bad night (586)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio

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(617): I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio http://tfl.nu/knlp

Replies (2) Good night (652) Bad night (883)
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(315): View more from New York

he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out

(607): View more from New York

what a beautiful fairy tale

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(315): he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out (607): what a beautiful fairy tale http://tfl.nu/50v3

Replies (33) Good night (10933) Bad night (908)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?

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(615): Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN? http://tfl.nu/nemo

Replies (9) Good night (3158) Bad night (1094)
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(773): View more from Illinois

There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.

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(773): There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet. http://tfl.nu/w01w

Replies (40) Good night (4515) Bad night (603)
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(802): View more from Vermont

you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin

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(802): you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin http://tfl.nu/5vsk

Replies (15) Good night (5010) Bad night (1063)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..

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(732): only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package.. http://tfl.nu/0izj

Replies (37) Good night (7014) Bad night (772)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.

(602): View more from Arizona

you slept with him again didn't you

(480): View more from Arizona

you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well

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(480): I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'. (602): you slept with him again didn't you (480): you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well http://tfl.nu/dyfs

Replies (21) Good night (5819) Bad night (1391)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.

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(401): I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs. http://tfl.nu/di07

Replies (8) Good night (3673) Bad night (1468)
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(+25): View more from

We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?

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(+25): We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them? http://tfl.nu/7ecx

Replies (9) Good night (907) Bad night (2542)
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(636): View more from Missouri

I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.

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(636): I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue. http://tfl.nu/zl9g

Replies (6) Good night (2878) Bad night (746)
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(818): View more from California

You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.

(805): View more from California

Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.

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(818): You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy. (805): Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people. http://tfl.nu/c90f

Replies (2) Good night (2310) Bad night (646)
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(845): View more from New York

The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.

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(845): The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction. http://tfl.nu/75bn

Replies (3) Good night (940) Bad night (418)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.

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(215): tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours. http://tfl.nu/k3ze

Replies (9) Good night (1159) Bad night (376)
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(970): View more from Colorado

my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me

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(970): my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me http://tfl.nu/zptz

Replies (1) Good night (745) Bad night (386)

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