new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?