Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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