We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Shame - the story of my life.
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