The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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