I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
