Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
