you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
