Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize