i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Houston, we have a squirter
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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