i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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