I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
