I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
