bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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