and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize