I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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