If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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