it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
