It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
