I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
