life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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