Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
