Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize