Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
