well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
