Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
